Peek A Boo!!

Yes... I'm still out here (I know some of you were worried!!)

Yes, I'm still doing the 52 new program... it's just getting to look a little different right now. I've been doing SOOOOO many new and beautiful things in my life since the first week in May, that it's impossible to choose only one per week to write about. Over the next few days, I will be sharing some of the amazing things that I have learned about myself, and ways I have grown in these last few weeks. I'm not going to go into the details of the what's, or the how's, or any of the typical "details" like in my other NEW's.... and I ask that you trust that choice. Trust that I have been journaling these experiences in other (more private) ways, and that I have been able to share these beautiful experiences with some beautiful people.

I will be sharing what I have learned about myself, what I have committed to myself from this point forward, and how these last few weeks have truly changed my life for the better... and how I am a remarkably different person to the CORE!!!! It has been beautiful to experience, and those who have travelled this journey with me have remarked at how beautiful it has been to witness. It's been absolutely perfect.

I love you all!!!! Thank you for respecting my experiences, and for all of your love and support!!! It truly has meant the WORLD to me!!!!

Week 4 - Woops!

This week's NEW happened completely by accident (ok... there are no such things as accidents, but this was certainly NOT planned!!!). I wasn't even going to blog about this one... but I decided to go with it, and see what came up.

Wednesday night, I had planned to stay at a friends house after watching her toddler. After some great girl-talk time, I realized that it probably didn't make much sense to stay the night when by the time I went to my car, got my stuff, and made up a bed on the couch... I'd be home already (I live less than 2 miles away). So... I headed home. Well, if you can imagine this... I left my phone at her house!!! I know... ME... NO PHONE... AAAAAGGGGHHHH! After spending 20 minutes flashing my brights at her bedroom window, in the hopes she'd see it, I gave up (in hindsight, I probably should have just gone through the garage, but I didn't want to run the risk of waking the baby, or freaking her out). So... I went home, logged into Yahoo and shot her an instant message, in the hopes she'd see it, and I could run back over to get my phone, or... at the very least, swing by on my way into work the next morning. No reply. First of all, I have to say... it is amazing how much I rely on my phone. That night, I was forced to figure out how to wake up the next morning without my cell alarm clock. THAT is not fun! In case you ever wonder... there is an online alarm clock!!!! :-)

Ok, next morning... I wake up (about a hundred times... ya know, incase the internet alarm doesn't work).... and no news from my friend. So, I get up and get going and head over to her house on my way to work. After a few knocks and a few "ding-dongs" I gave up again. Decided that there was NO way I was going through the garage, cause that most certainly would have given her an absolute heart attack... and NO one should wake up like that in the morning! :-) So.. it's off to work.... disconnected for the next 10 hours. Boo Hoo!!!

Deep breaths, withdrawl shakes, and the fastest log in to Facebook and Yahoo EVER!!!! Not supposed to be on Yahoo or FB at work.... BITE ME -- I NEED CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Early part of the day was rough... I kept "feeling" my phone.. like it was calling to me. I found myself looking to the spot where I keep it... hoping to see the flashing red light. It was a sad morning. In the late morning and into the early afternoon, I was blessed to be able to run some thoughts through the Work with the guidance of a new friend who is AMAZING at facilitating this process. I am completely convinced that this "shift" in my thinking is what made a marked difference in the way the rest of my day went... and led me to be able to have the experiences that I did that night.

After swinging by to pick up my phone after work (and seeing that I really hadn't missed much), I headed home... phone having lovingly resumed its place on my ear! Cue cute voice mail!!! My friend left me a message... telling me that I had been given an opportunity to do exactly what I had asked for the night before.... the chance to learn to listen to my heart and what is going on INside as opposed to listening to others and focusing on whats OUTside... for answers, or validation. She suggested I leave my phone off for the next few hours (um.. excuse me?!?!) and see what happens. At first, my heart went into my throat... the idea of going another few hours "disconnected"... you have GOT to be kidding. Then, the idea brought back the feelings I had on my Jenn date, and I recognized the opportunity that the universe had given me... so I just went with it.

Once I got home, I changed into comfy clothes, turned off the phone, grabbed my water bottle, and my journals... and worked to put myself in that meditative space (I say "worked" because I'm still learning... and it's an effort each time... but an effort I'm willing to exert). I spent the next 2 hours in communication with God and was able to catch flashes of the connection that I so strongly desire with Him. I felt myself connect with ME... my hands, fingers, the air around me, the feelings in my heart... everything! I felt myself step out of time.... and just be in that moment.... It didn't last long.... but it was so powerful -- and so beautiful!

Shortly afterwards, I felt like I needed a growing/learning moment.... so I put in "The Secret" and started to recognize many of the truths that it shares regarding the Law of Attraction. I started to see how I have attracted things into my life... both positive and negative! I get to do some more work on that.... but for now, recognizing the concept has really gotten me to think/feel about how I am in my everyday life. I love feeling those shifts from my head (ego) to my heart. Just before watching the video.... my friend texted me. I cannot possibly begin to explain the overflowing love that I felt for her at that moment. Between the feelings I had begun to "turnaround" earlier in the day, her voice mail that encouraged me to take this time for myself, and the connection time I had with God that night... it was no wonder my heart was as open as it was to feeling nothing but pure, overpowering, light-filled LOVE. There was no ego thoughts; there was no fear; there was no judgement; there was no worry or concern. There was only LOVE... and it just WAS... and IT WAS PERFECT!!!!!!

Week 3 - Jenn Dates

Ok... so, a little background on what this title is all about. NO, I have not blossomed into the dating scene (sad faces... begone!). This weeks "NEW" has nothing to do with jumping on the bandwagon of "how many dates can I go on in a week".... in fact, it's actually something kinda cool! I went on a date.... with someone I don't know that well... but really want to get to know... ME!

After running some thoughts through the Work earlier in the week, I came to see a startling fact about myself... that I don't like spending time by myself. Many reasons came out as to the reasons, but the common link was that I don't like myself. Scary, huh!!! Considering that I'll be with myself until the VERY end... I better learn to like being with myself... dont'cha think?!?!

Well, Friday night, I was hanging out at my house.... deciding what my Saturday was going to look like. I decided that I would spend Saturday with myself... just me. I called my friend, and she asked what I was going to do on "Jenn Day".... and I told her that I would just be hanging out, doing laundry, cleaning, blogging... ya know... catching up on life a bit. Now... I can imagine your expression is similar to what I sensed hers was when I said that.... the "are you kidding me... THAT's what you're doing for a Jenn Day?!?!?" So... after a little "re-clarification" of what time-with-myself really needed to be all about.... and the most AMAZING conversation (done entirely in 3rd person!!!), I had an idea of what I wanted my Saturday to look like. Through this 3rd person conversation, I was asked what Jenn likes to do.. and that, perhaps I should "treat" Jenn to a day of things that "she" would enjoy doing. After some thinking... I realized that Jenn loves to read, write, journal, find little hide-a-ways, go on car trips, eat Arctic Circle fries, and drink Iced Cafe Mochas!!! So... hello Saturday!

After waking up to NO alarm... and realizing that "Jenn likes to sleep"... I let "her" get some more of it!!! :-) After an Arctic Circle run, a Coffee Creations stop, and a shopping trip to Borders (for a new journal)... I hit the road and headed up the canyon. Now, I've never been up Provo Canyon... but I figured, heck.... why not!?!?! Having never been up there, I just kinda went wherever I felt like.... random turns, little dirt roads, and LOTS of U-turns (when I realized there were still roads closed due to snow!) Finally, I found this little park that went up into this little neighborhood... and just beyond the houses, there was a little pull-off spot that was PERFECT! At first, I drove in... but had a thought, and quickly backed in instead.

After laying the seats down in the backseat, opening the hatch, and creating a great little "nook" for me to cozy up in... my date began. At first, I just sat and listened.... listened to the running creek, listened to the birds, listened to the breeze, listened to my thoughts, listened to my heart. Then I started writing.... writing down the things that Jenn likes. I took some great advice, and just let Jenn talk.... and I didn't judge! Anything "she" was willing to share, I listened to. Whatever she felt was most important to tell me about... I acknowledged. The things that she felt special to tell me about what she liked... I wrote down. This list comprised of everything from sunglasses and fuzzy socks to blue skies and kissing. It was so beautiful!!!! The scenery, the "company"... just being with Jenn. No judgement, no time frames, no worries, no ego!!!!!! My only contact with the "outside" world was through the occasional chat on my phone... and even that was nothing but support, love, encouragement, and adoration... which made my day even more beautiful!!! After a few hours, it started to get chilly, but I wasn't willing to give up the unobstructed view of nature.... so, I simply turned on the car, cranked the heater and left the hatch up!!! Eventually, I realized that my "date" was coming to an end... and I was in such a attitude of gratitude over how it had gone... I was okay with it ending - knowing that it would happen again soon!

The rest of the evening went just as well as the afternoon had. Back to my BFF's house... relaxing, naps, fun movies, laughing, sharing about my "date" and my discoveries about Jenn.... don't know how on earth it could have gone better.

The next morning, I found myself actually craving time with Jenn again... and looking forward to the next time. I can't say that I love Jenn yet... or that I see what makes her unique/special.... BUT, I can say that I am beginning to see what others see in her, and it's making me want to know more about her. Hopefully, I'm on the right path to learning to love her (and eventually, being able to replace the word "her" with "myself"!!!!!)

Bubbles

After a very long day, I decided that I deserved to relax a bit in a hot bubble bath. We're talking candles, coconut bath bubbles, bath pillow, and music (Olivia Newton-John's "Grace and Gratitude"). It was wonderful!!! While enjoying this moment of

relaxing after a hectic day... I had a thought coming to me as I looked into the bubbles.... and thought it would be interesting to write down, and see where it goes. For those interested, the song "The Power of Now" was playing... that might help you understand the thoughts.

Have you ever blown bubbles with a child?

Have you seen the look on their faces as they anticipate the blow.... and how they light up as they spot each bubble? Their excitement... the wonder... the awe! They're surprise as they try to reach out and touch one and feel it pop. The splash against their finger... the clench of their eyes as the spray bounces back at them. The quick scan for other bubbles that can create the same exciting effect on their little faces. The disappointment when they realize that all the bubbles are gone.... and then their pleading look to you to "do it again!" Anyone who has played this game knows the initial fun... that is generally followed by the exhaustion of doing the same thing over and over!

While taking my bubble bath tonight, I found myself staring at the soap bubbles... close up.... as if seeing them for the first time, and I found myself with the picture of the child's face. No matter how many times you blow the bubbles, young kids will look at each bubble with equal awe and fascination... as if its the first time. I found myself comparing that to how children see so many things... and how adults lose that fascination. I have recently found myself with the strong desire to look at something as simple as a bubble and see it for the first time. Now, I recognize that it's not exactly possible to go back and see something you've seen a million times for the very first time.... but I'm determined to find a way to make it work.

I sat there staring at this small pool of soap bubbles in the bathtub. I watched the way the candlelight shimmered against the bubbles and the way they moved along the top of the water... so smoothly. I stared at the smaller bubbles and noted the ribbons of white between each bubble, creating a sort of lace-like effect. I stared at the various sizes, and to see faces and pathways and pictures in the "lace." Everything else ceased. There was no music; there was no candle; there was no worry; there was no me. There was only bubbles. There was only lace. There were only faces and landscapes. There was only that moment!!! I guess it is possible to see something so common (yet beautiful) and be thoroughly in awe and utterly enamored. Wonder what else I can see again... for the first time?! Wonder what my next "moment" in time and space will be!?

Week Two - Music

So... I never said that my "new" things would ALL be super exciting, dangerous, death defying, or yucky... RIGHT?!?!? Now that I've got that out there... this week's NEW has been absolutely beautifully PERFECT for me!!!!

(I just realized that this entry doesn't have the sarcastic wit that I'm used to putting on my blog... but I'm feeling more thoughtful than sarcastic... HOWEVER, I promise, the sarcastic Jenn that you all know and love WILL return!!!)

This past week has brought up some "stuff" in my life. There have been things that have caused me to look at the way I've been living, showing up, and basically doing everything for the last 33 years and I have decided that some things drastically need to change. Some of you will understand me when I use the word "journey" to explain what I'm experiencing, and others will just have to go with it (or send me a private email...). So, after a VERY emotional, eye-opening, physically exhausting and beautiful week.... I woke up this morning to realize... IT'S THURSDAY -- I NEED A NEW!!!!! A few ideas came to my mind (with some help... thanks T), but nothing seemed to "fit" the mood that I've been feeling for the last 6 days.

Then... again-thanks T, the PERFECT NEW came out. For the last few days, I've been inundating myself with music... songs that speak to me... in the space I'm in now, and the space that I want to be in. Although I was not raised in a "musical" household, am light years away from having any musical talent.... music has always had a HUGE influence in my life. Melodies are great, but, I find it's the lyrics that penetrate me and cause huge reactions... for good, or bad! So, I began collecting songs that have affected me on this journey over the last few months, and added those that have just recently stepped into my heart as well. Now, you're probably asking... what could THIS new be??? Well, although music has always had an impact on me, and I've collected lyric sheets for years... I've never really shared my "lists" or why they have that impact on my life. Since the main purpose of this year-long activity is as my personal journal... I thought I'd share the list with you, and share a few of the thoughts (or lyrics) that I stood out for me with some of the songs. Click the titles for the lyrics that had such an impact on me!!!

"One Moment in Time" by Whitney Houston
"I'm only one... But not alone... My finest day is yet unknown... When I'm more than I thought I could be... When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away... And the answers are all up to me... I want one moment in time... When I'm more than I thought I could be... When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away... And the answers are all up to me."

"Find Yourself" by Brad Paisley
I've seen this movie (Disney's Cars) countless times, but it wasn't until the other day that I was introduced to this song, and listened specifically to the lyrics. "When you find yourself in some far off place and it causes you to rethink some things. You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else. And then you find yourself..." This is exactly what I have been experiencing. This past year has brought a lot of changes into my life, and has provided the opportunity for me to look deeper into myself, and figure out who I really am. "Well you go through life so sure of where we're headed... And you wind up lost and its the best thing that could have happened." I'm finding myself!!!!

"Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush
"Don't give up, cause you have friends. Don't give up. You're not beaten yet. Don't give up. I know you can make it good. Rest your head.. you worry too much. It's going to be alright. When times get rough, you can fall back on us. Don't give up... Please don't give up.... We're Proud of who you are."

"Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan
"When you wake up everyday... Please don't throw your dreams away. Hold them close to your heart. Cause we're all a part of the ordinary miracle...It seems to exceptional. The things just work out after all... It's just another ordinary miracle today!"

"Anyway" by Martina McBride
This song has always been a great reminder to me to not let things, people, or anything stand in my way.... even when things seem impossible!!!! "You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way.... Dream it anyway!!!"

"Go the Distance" by Michael Bolton
I remember hearing this song while watching Hercules, and I just remember the goosebumps that I got when it came on. I love the idea that each of us has their own personal mission... and that each of us has our own path to trod in order to fill that mission - the important part is to continue working toward that goal! "Down an unknown road... To embrace my fate... Though the road may wander... And a thousand years... Would be worth the wait... It may take a lifetime... But somehow I'll see it through... And I won't look back... I can go the distance... And I'll stay on track... No I won't accept defeat... It's an uphill slope... But I won't lose hope... Till I go the distance... And my journey is complete."

"A Whole New World" from Aladdin
My sister (hi, Beckie) and I were sending emails back and forth not long ago, and I was telling her about the journey that I'm currently on. This journey has been intended to help me find, like and love myself... discover what I believe, want and deserve in my life... and to finally accept (and change) those things that have been causing me pain in my life. I guess she had been listening to this song, and shared how these lyrics must be how I was feeling... and how right she was!!! "A whole new world... A new fantastic point of view... A dazzling place I never knew... But when I'm way up here - It's crystal clear...Unbelievable sights... Indescribable feeling... Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling... Don't you dare close your eyes... A hundred thousand things to see... Hold your breath - it gets better... I've come so far... I can't go back to where I used to be... Every turn a surprise... With new horizons to pursue."

"Cup of Life" by Ricky Martin
I can't say that I'm at the point of these lyrics yet... but I love that this song goes on the journey with me. it seems to flow from the desire into the feeling itself... and I feel that hits what I've been experiencing. At first, it was something that sounded cool.... and it's quickly from something that I want with EVERYTHING I have, and I'm beginning to KNOW that I deserve it! "The feeling in your soul is gonna take control... Nothing can hold you back if you really want it... I see it in your eyes... You want the cup of life... Now that the day is here, we gotta go and get it."

"Keep Holding On" from Eragon
I have felt so immensly blessed to have an amazing support system while I am on this journey: someone who helps to redirect me when I lose my focus, who celebrates my small victories and realizations, who allows me to share my thoughts/concerns/feelings... and proves to me daily that I matter... not only to her, and to God... but that I have the worth to matter to myself! I feel so blessed to have such an angel in my life who has committed to assiting me on this journey... and reminds me that all I have to do is hold on, and what I can't hold on to... to Let Go, and Let God! "Keep holding on... 'Cause you know we'll make it through... Just stay strong... Cause you know I'm here for you... There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do... There's no other way when it comes to the truth... So keep holding on... Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through."

"Return to Innocence" by Enigma
I was introduced to this song years ago.. and I'd always liked it... but it didn't really have the power that it gained in the last few months. I'm not so much focusing on gaining my innocence, as much as I am working to be confident in myself, my actions and my relationship with God so I don't have to look to others for approval or validation. That's what I took from this song. I'm learning to look to my heart instead of my head when I need to know whats true... and I love that newfound ability!!! "Don't be afraid to be weak... Don't be too proud to be strong... Just look into your heart my friend... That will be the return to yourself... The return to innocence... Be yourself don't hide... Just believe in destiny... Don't care what people say... Just follow your own way... Don't give up."

"Welcome to Wherever You Are" by Bon Jovi
Have you ever heard a song, and from the very first line, you just KNEW it was speaking directly to you?? Well... in my quest to find songs that might speak to me... I ran across a list online of various songs that had inspired people. Now, yes, I grew up in the 80's and 90's... and yes, I thought Jon Bon Jovi was hot (and yes, I think he's WAY hotter now)... but I wasn't a major fan of his... that is.. until now. I found it so divinely orchestrated that this EXACT concept had been the basis of a conversation between myself and two different times (at different times) only the day before. I love how I'm given everything I need... right when I need it...it's just PERFECT! "You come between just who you are and who you wanna be...Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end...This is your life, you made it this far... You gotta believe that right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be... Welcome, to wherever you are...Everyones a miracle in their own way... Just listen to yourself, not what other people say... Remember everybody's different, just take a look around...Be who you want to, be who you are... Everyones a hero, everyones a star... When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break... Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes."

"Live Like We're Dying" by Kris Allen

This past year has been so full of ups, downs, and side-to-sides that I somehow lost myself in the midst of everything. I've also been introduced to how short life truely is. A few months ago, a friend asked me what I wanted to "try, do or experience." Now, most of you know that I have an obsession with making lists... and I have created LOTS of lists of dreams, wishes, and "goals" for my life. Now, there have been goals crossed off the lists, but generally they were natural progressions in my life, and much less conscious actions on my part. If you're reading this, you're well aware of my Bucket List. Everytime I hear this song, that's exactly what I think of... making my "goals and dreams a conscious action on my part. "So if your life flashed before you... What would you wish you would’ve done... Gotta start lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here... This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it... Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’... We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em... Gotta live like we’re dying...Turn it all around or throw it all away."

"Alice Underground" by Avril Lavigne
I can't possibly do this song the justice that it deserves when talking about the impact it has provided in my life lately. So.. I'm not even going to try. Just know that an entire blog entry is in the works for how deeply this movie and song have penetrated me and transformed my life. "I, I'll get by... I, I'll survive... When the world's crashing down... When I fall and hit the ground... I will turn myself around... Don't you try to stop me... I, I won't cry."

"Suddenly" by Superchick
These lyrics are self explanatory.... Click the link (cause I CANNOT select just a few lines). The entire song just speaks volumes of where I am, who I am... and what I am experiencing right now!!! This song may require its own blog entry... very soon!!

"Coming Out of the Dark" by Gloria Estefan
"Though life is never easy the rest in unkown... Up to now for me it’s been hands against stone... Spent each and every moment searching for what to believe... Coming out of the dark, I finally see the light now... It’s shining on me... "

"One Girl Revolution" by Superchick

THIS.. is what I want to stand up and YELL when I reach my finish line!!!! This is the song that is also going to cheer me all along the way... cause THIS is what I want!!!!!!! "And I'll be everything that I wanna be... I am confidence in insecurity... I am a voice yet waiting to be heard... I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world... And I'm a one girl revolution...Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl... I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world... I declare my independence from the critics and their stones... I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone."

"You Are a Child of Mine" by Mark Schultz
"I’ve been hearing voices... Telling me that I could never be what I wanna be... they’re binding me with lies... haunting me at night... and saying there’s nothing to believe... Somewhere in the quietness, when I’m overcome with loneliness I hear You call my name... And like a father, You are near...And as I listen I can hear You say 'You are a child of Mine - Born of My own design.'

"Celebration" by Kool and the Gang
This song shows me what I'm going to experience... and what I want to experience!!! "This is your celebration... There's a party goin' on right here... A celebration to last throughout the years."

"The Call" by Regina Spektor
I've heard this song a thousand times... but it wasn't until recently that I listened to the intro and recognized it in my heart. This is precisely what I feel like I have been doing over the last 10 years. I can look back over the last decade, and see those feelings, desires, and whispers poking out through the lines of my journals. Those feelings that there was something I was missing, something more to who I was that I wasn't in touch with... and that urge to discover what I couldn't see. But... for whatever reason... it wasn't the right time... and until the time was right, it wasn't meant to happen. Well, guess what time it is now... the RIGHT time ;-) "It started out as a feeling... Which then grew into a hope... Which then turned into a quiet thought... Which then turned into a quiet word... And then that word grew louder and louder... 'Til it was a battle cry... Just because everything's changing... Doesn't mean it's never been this way before..."

"Learn to Love Yourself" by Olivia Newton-John
I'm not exactly sure why, but this is NOT something that most people are taught growing up. We (well... I was) are taught to be humble, self-sacrificing, modest and complimentary to others. Now... don't get me wrong... these are all beautiful, important and amazing qualities that not everyone holds (but probably should). The problem is, however, that we (I) never learned how to see myself in the same way that I saw others. So... as a result, I have spent much of my life not liking myself (let alone loving myself). This is another of those songs that I can't do justice in a blurb... so you'll have to stay tuned for Week 3 of "52 new" to truly understand what this song, and the feelings it has stirred have done to my life lately.

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)" by Josh Groban
Back in January, I had the most beautiful opportunity to attend an introduction workshop that provided the chance for me to experience a wonderful visual imagery. I have continued to struggle with the beliefs and thoughts that have built up around me during my life... and have fenced me in and prevented me from living my life from an authentic space. I have tried to figure out how to break down these walls, to no avail. During this workshop... for the first time ever... I saw myself climbing over that fence... and running away from those beliefs. This song was playing when I had that image... and I love that I can see it so clearly everytime I hear this song!!! "Don't give up; it's just the weight of the world...Don't give up, because you want to be heard...Everybody wants to be understood... Everybody wants to be loved... Don't give up, because you are loved...Don't give up; It's just the hurt that you hide... When you're lost inside, I will be there to find you... Don't give up, because you want to burn bright...You are loved... Don't Don't give up... Every one needs to be heard... You are loved!!!"

"Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)" by Chris Tomlin
As a child, I don't remember this being a song we sang much in our church services... but I was introduced to it through my grandmother, who had been raised Southern Baptist. I always loved the words from the song... but it took on a whole new power when I first watched "Amazing Grace." For those of you who know me well, you know I have an affinity for history... so this movie was a must see. When I heard this song for the first time, I cried... because I actually FELT that it was true. This path I'm on right now has further proven to me that He is there beside me... every step of the way. I remember telling a friend that I felt like I was again in a freefall... only this time, I didn't want to be "caught" by just anyone. I had been caught by church leaders, dear friends, bishops, etc... but we are all human, and they couldn't be my everything. This time... I am once again free falling... but I don't want my friends to catch me... I want God to catch me. I KNOW that He will catch me EVERY time, and that He will catch me when He knows it's my time to be caught. He will never judge or say "wow, falling again... ?" He will just lovingly open His arms and cradle me in them... and show me His amazing, unending love... Could it be more perfect... or beautiful!?!?! "My chains are gone... I've been set free... My God, my Savior has ransomed me... And like a flood His mercy reigns... Unending love, Amazing grace."

Week One - Vegas

So, I decided to start this NEW"project" off with a BANG.... and give all future weeks something to live up to!

Nah, not really! I just had an amazing 4-day-long birthday and did some amazing things (of which many were NEW) with some amazing people (who, as luck will have it are also NEW ---friends, not people... they've been people for a while!!!)

Many of you have been asking... what was my NEW this week.... well... hold on tight, cause WOO HOO!!!! *** Oh yeah... I'm going to stick this PREFACE in here so you don't do double takes while reading, and I don't receive a hundred comments of shock, disappointment and dismay. Yes... while on this trip, I enjoyed myself.... refreshments-wise. Don't worry... everything I did was completely legal... but it will surprise some of you, so I thought I'd warn you in advance.

On Thursday (official birthday day), I had an awesome time with my best friend... movie (Alice in Wonderland), dinner (TGI Friday's), dance lessons (NEW #1 - hehehe), fantastic conversations, and great music!!!! The day was filled with sharing memories from past birthdays, talking about growing up sharing my day with my dad, making goals/plans for the upcoming year, and talking about how different this year is from last year...as well as how hard I'm gonna ROCK this next year!!!! Heck... the day even included a flash back visit from a familiar friend... Captain ZOOM!!!!! Talk about a kick-butt way to kick off this AWESOME new year!!!!!

On Friday, I locked my keys in the car, and learned that my car is one of the most difficult to break in (in fact, the locksmith called in for backup...). No, this is NOT the fun NEW stuff.... me locking my keys in the car is a scenario I have fallen victim to WAY too many times (just ask the Roberts family!!) Once my keys were safely retrieved, and I was out of SLC... I packed (hold on to something - QUICK... I packed in 30 minutes, and left my room TRASHED... I know... NEW #2). After shoe-borrowing, gas filling, and dinner eating... I took off for St. George (9:30pm)!!! Finally drove into town at 1:30 (thank you to those who chatted with me on the drive and kept me alive!!).

Next morning (Saturday), we all woke up at 10, Caffeine fix,

pedicures at 10:30 (gel glitter toes... NEW #3), lunch... and then back to the condo for FASHION SHOW and packing! Yes, I said it... Fashion Show. Now, you have to understand something about me... I would rather grab clothes from the store, take them home, try them on and RETURN them if they don't fit than to try clothes on in a dressing room... cause "who knows who can see me...". I understand the LAMENESS in this... but... oh well... GOTTA LOVE ME! Okay, so back to the fashion show. D and S (the girls) took out all of their cocktail dresses and had them laid out on their beds for me to try on... (oh yeah... did I mention D's a photographer!) So... I tried on about 10 or so outfits (take into consideration, I had not showered, or put makeup on yet)... and narrowed it down to a few contenders...


(No, the black "snap" was not in the running... but FUN nonetheless...maybe next trip). We all packed up, got ready... and hit the road!!! Lots of music, texting, random photos... and a few fun stops (I'll save you the > PG13 details...hehehehe).

After an AWESOME shopping trip to Rhapsodielle and Ross (highly recommend Rhapsodielle!!!), and a dinner run, we headed to my friends (thanks Abbie!) to get ready! It was so great to see her after a year, and way fun having the girls "primp me" for the evening!!! Right about now... the panicky Jenn came out for a small appearance. Thank you Abbie, Abbie, Dar, Steph (and T via YC) for talking me away from the ledge, and helping me realize that I would be JUST FINE!!!!

Next thing I know... I'm in a cocktail dress, hair/makeup done, and on the way to the strip (NEW #4) to go a night club (NEW #5) and meet foreign boys (NEW #6). En Route to the strip, while texting T, I am "informed" that I will NOT be allowed to bring my phone into the club. Um, EXCUSE ME!!!! Panicky Jenn reappeared and screamed a few times!!!!!!!!! After a "confiscate Jenn's phone" message appeared on D's phone... I VERY reluctantly handed over my phone for the night!
Got into the Mirage... froze walking across the bridge from the parking garage.... and began our "Princess Walk" through the casino. D had pulled out all the stops and contacted a VIP from the Mirage!! Yep... we were led through the hotel... to the Revolution for shots, and then back past everyone waiting in line.... and straight into the club with NO waiting! :-) How fun to find open bar till 12 (not that we utilized it to the fullest, but it was a nice perk). Scoped out some of the VIP tables.... and kinda planted ourselves in front of them for the night. Then... I actually got on the floor and "danced" (NEW #7). Now, you're probably asking.. "why the quotation marks around the word danced?" Well... that's a simple answer... cause I don't consider what I was doing as dancing as much as it was swaying on the floor in between two dancers so it appeared as if I were dancing. Now, don't get me wrong... compared to ANYTHING I've attempted prior to that night, this was dancing.... but I have SOOOOOOO far still to go before I'll be comfortable to pull it off without being in a sandwich!

Met some fun guys from France, England, India, Polynesia (not sure which islands).... granted, I'm still a bit too shy for my own good.... so when I say "met"... I mean the girls met... I saw!

About 3am, we left the club... wandered around the hotel (Love Floor, RainForest, Fish Wall, Lobby, and slot machines!) Met some more guys... Finnish, Idahoan (cause that TOTALLY counts as foreign, LOL), and Italian. Got a Birthday Kiss from the Idahoan (NEW #8) and a neck massage from the Finnish guy
(
NEW #9). Ended the night with "shoe shopping" (basically, rating the shoes of the girls coming out the club) before we finally decided that we were ready to take off. Froze running across the bridge again, and made it to the car around 5:30ish in the morning. D decided that she was good to drive back to St. G instead of staying at my friends... that way we could officially sleep the whole next day... so we did!

Back in St. G by 8:30.. inhaled leftover Subway sandwiches, and crashed out till 4!!! Later that night, Dar and Steph mentioned going hot tubbing. I kind of looked at that statement as my perfect excuse to get an early start back up to SLC... but... NOPE! Second glimpse of hope appeared when Dar asked me if I'd brought a swimsuit, tank top or shorts (no on all counts... come on people, I'd come down from SLC!!!) Figured that would be my free-and-clear in regards to subjecting myself to putting on swimming apparel. NOPE! Dar yells down that she and Steph have set out their extra swimsuits, and that I needed to grab one. How cute is that!!! The skinny 5'8 cutie is offering me her swimsuit... (sarcasm intended!!!) Well... I'm proud to say, that I fit my NON 5'8 NON skinny self into one of her medium sized (I know, right?!?!?) swimsuits! Now... here's the kicker. When I went upstairs to see what she had... you can imagine my SHOCK when I discovered that they were ALL 2 PIECES!!!!!! Um... HELLOOO!!!! Yes, I accept that I've lost weight, but come on... NO ONE should have to be subjected to seeing THIS in a two-piece yet!!! But... this WAS the weekend of NEW's... and although I have owned a two piece before (like when I was 2), this is still being called NEW #10. NOPE... I am NOT posting that picture... sorry... but I haven't burst out of my shell THAT much yet!!!! So... bikini on... we headed over to the hot tub, and just chilled out for a few hours before I realized that I should probably get back on the road... 4 hour drive, and work the following morning!!!! Again, thanks to those of you who let me call (cause... of course I didn't TEXT and drive....ummmm) and chat with them while I drove home to make sure I made it home in one piece!!!

I cannot possibly say "THANK YOU" to the girls enough for this amazing weekend!! What an awesome memory and great stories that I've taken away from that trip (and we ALL know that I'll remember every detail FOREVER!!!) I cannot WAIT for the next opportunity to check-out of my shell for a while!!!

52 NEW in 52

What's that... ? You really HAVE been on the edge of your seat these last 24 hours?? Well... first of all.... Thanks for being interested. Second... GET A LIFE!! :-)

No seriously... I'm glad to know that there are people out there who are cheering me on in this!!! So... without further adieu, I'll explain what the "52 New in 52" is!!!

Alongside my bucket list... which many of us know has the potential of being a procrastinators dream, I decided that I wanted to be sure that I accomplished SOMETHING every week. So, I came up with the "52 New in 52" idea. Beginning today (my 33rd birthday) until March 11, 2011 (my 34th birthday), I am committing (like the word choice, T?!?!) to doing at least one NEW thing every week!!! This could be as simple as trying a food I'd never consider eating (sushi, caviar, lobster... you get the gist) to something big like skydiving (yep.. that's June or July). Now, to keep me motivated, each event will require at least one photo... so that I can blog about it!!! This is for all (ok...both) of my readers as well as for my own journaling... and ability to look back over my year and realize all the amazing things I accomplished!!!!! Sounds like fun!?!?!?! Well... YES IT DOES... and I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.. ;-) hehehehehe

Sorry if you were expecting to hear that I am shaving my head, or adopting a child from a ravaged country, or moving to yet another state (no... that would just be a VERY cruel joke that my family would disown me if I tried). But... for me... this new "project" is absolutely PERFECT for me!!!! I'm so excited about it... and can't wait to share all of my new adventures with you all!!!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL.... and THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVE and SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!

Another year Already

I'm still at a loss to figure out how this happened. When we're kids, we hear adults say how "fast time flies"... and we all roll our eyes but don't quite understand what the heck that means. I mean, seriously... didn't it seem like eons between Christmases and Birthdays... not to mention, weren't we all in 7th grade FOREVER!!!! I remember waiting for that one moment to occur when I would actually feel time flying... but that moment never came.

I remember being in my early 20's, and semi-recognizing how quickly a year seemed to be going by, but there was always an excuse for it (looking forward to something: payday, new semester, change in season, dates, etc). By the time I hit my late 20's... I had actually begun to use that same phrases I had heard for years: "Where did March go?" " Didn't we just have Christmas?" "Rent's due AGAIN??"

Well, tomorrow is my marker for another year going by.... I'll turn 33. Wasn't it just yesterday that I wrote my "I just turned 30" blog entry??? I know I've already written about all the things that happened last year.... but SERIOUSLY... turning 32 was 365 days ago??? Maybe I'll chalk it up to the nearly 18,000 miles I've put on my car since this time last year (I wonder if going 80 mph makes time fly faster?) Maybe I'll blame the time confusion on living in 2 states (back and forth) for 8 months. How about working 4 different jobs? Living in 4.5 different houses? All of those seem completely logical in this time-loss dynamic... right?!

So, tomorrow I turn 33. I remember being a kid and doing the math to realize that I would be 23 in the year 2000... and thinking that was old. Now, don't get me wrong on here.... I AM NOT OLD!!! I am however, the same age my mom was when my sister and I were 7 and 5. I'm the same age Jesus Christ was when he was crucified (WOW... now there's a reality check on life's accomplishments if there ever was one). Guys that I went to school with (give or take a few years) are now eligible to become the President of the United States (frightening!!!). Amelia Earhart was 33 when she became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic alone.

WOW!!! Seriously... I'm thinking it's time I kicked "my game" into hyper drive! Bucket list is awesome (and coming along beautifully.... the activities, not the list itself... I do have ambitions people!). Also... starting tomorrow (so be sure to check back) a NEW activity is beginning in the movement to DISCOVER JENN!!! It should be a blast... include LOTS of pictures....require LOTS of new blog entries.... and possibly inspire someone out there in bloggerville! So... stay tuned, and tomorrow, I'll let you in on my little secret... :-)

hehehehe - I know... you're all on the edge of your seats... I can tell!!

Todays Horoscope... Way too Accurate

Your world may be expanding today, as you open up to some new possibilities, Pisces. You have, however, placed restrictions on yourself in the past, maybe to keep some sanity in a difficult situation. When the light from the open window of truth falls on them, it is usually not a comfortable experience: you find yourself facing the resistance and denial that you've refused to allow to manifest in the past. Nevertheless, the sense of adventure spurs you on today. Be sure to open the window of opportunity: don't open up Pandora's Box.


Sheesh.... why must I require a brick wall to land on me before I get the "not so subtle" hints!?!?!?!?!

Do What Matters

Do what matters, not just what is convenient. Do what is fulfilling, not just what is easy.

Just being busy will not lead you to anything of value. Instead, challenge yourself to be effective in the service of a meaningful purpose.

Any particular stretch of your time can be infinitely valuable or it can be hopelessly worthless. Which will it be right now, on this very day?

See that every moment has the potential for soaring greatness. Let your words and actions, your thoughts and deeds express that potential in your own special way.

There are many skills that must be studied and developed, and you can choose the ones you wish to acquire. The skill of living, however, need only be allowed, for it is already within you.

Live with richness, with great fulfillment and joy and substance. Do what matters, what really matters, and delight in being the unique, beautiful person you are.

-- Ralph Marston

Planned Spontaneity

The idea of this incredibly profound concept came the other night when I was sharing some thoughts with my friend. I realized that I needed to begin actively working on my bucket list, and that it required a bit of planning on my part. During the context of our conversation, I shared my desire to loosen up and be more "fun" and spontaneous... but I wasn't sure how to do that. As we talked, I mentioned that I wanted to come up with some ideas of things that I could do, and how it would look for me to be more fun, spontaneous, and less "pre-meditated". My friend laughed (in a nice way...). I know how silly the idea sounds of planning to be loose and spontaneous... but I think this goes to the core of who I am and how I have lived my life up to this point. Now, the trick is figuring out how to break that, and change things up a bit.

The idea of this reminds me of several things that have come up in the past few years... things that have helped me to see how regimented and structured my life is. In the last few weeks of graduate school, I was asked to come up with a plan to be more respectful, culturally competent, and professional. I struggled with this!!! I decided to Google the statement: "How to show respect in the workplace". When I got a job as a teacher, I Googled "What do teachers wear". When the idea was presented to me a few weeks ago of coming up with a list of things that I'd like to try, do or experience in my life... I Googled other peoples bucket lists in order to get ideas. I'm beginning to see a trend!!!

Somehow, I think I have become conditioned to believe that there is only one way to be... and that being "unique," "different," or "standing out" isn't okay. I feel like I have to do everything by the book, stick to a schedule, and be sure not to cause any waves in my space. Now... this idea really isn't that bad... except that I'm not happy about it!!! I find myself jealous of my friends who can laugh raucously, skip down the sidewalk, be playful, dance/sing in public, and openly enjoy life! Why do I have to work so hard at being so "chill"? Why can I snap it together so quickly, and why do I not know how to just "let go"? Why do I feel the deep need to be responsible, mature and the one "in control".... even when my body is screaming for me to just relax. I don't even know what it means to "just let go" when that feeling arises.. cause it doesn't. I'm so afraid that I won't even know HOW to let loose.... having spent so many years repressing that side of me. I wonder if it's like hunger pangs. As we grow, we forget what it feels like to "be full" and we assume the pangs are hunger... and so we eat more. I don't know what that "let loose" feeling feels like, so I just keep being responsible and mature. SUCKS!!!!!

I'm wondering if it would work to plan my spontaneity (I know, oxymoronic... but go with me) and let it be a bit mechanical until I can do it without thinking. Thoughts??? Good idea... lame?!?!?! I'm not talking calendaring or anything (although, T, you know I will....), but just something where I can force it till I won't need to.

Any other suggestions or thoughts are MORE than welcomed... I need all the help I can get in this process of "learning to let loose!!!".

Flashback to a prior post

I was just sitting here looking back at some older posts, and stumbled on this one from November 2008. I realized that there were quite a few that I had NOT bolded... things that I could easily add to my bucket list.... so...


That being said, check out the few additions on "The List" (#71-#80)

Refocus!!!

Well, one week of being back in the working world has wreaked havoc on my sleep schedule, my late nights, my caffeine intake, and my bank account (in the negative.... 72 miles per day in gas, and $7 per day in parking).... and my plans for my bucket list.

This entry is my COMMITMENT to refocusing back on my plans for my bucket list!!!!! It's time I rejoined MY LIFE!!!!!!

Time for money to start flowing....

After nearly a month of unemployment, rounds of paperwork, background checks and holding my breath when viewing my bank account, I have finally begun my temp job. Despite the 36 miles (one way) commute... It's actually pretty nice! I work with some great people and in a beautiful area (Gateway in SLC... jealous!?!?!?!). For the time being, I'm a "tax processor". I'm still not completely clear on what my job is.... up til now, it's been all about getting access to various programs and databases, listening in on teleconferences, and rebooting my system when passwords get changed. I'm telling ya... sheer excitement!!!! ;-) I'm hoping things pick up pretty quickly soon... cause one can only check their email, clean out their inbox and read the Yahoo news for so long before feeling guilty that I'm being paid for it!!!

New Additions :-)

K... Check out the bucket list again.... few new additions (#65-70)!

The Year of the Bucket

We've all seen the movie (alright... that was a presumptuous statement... but go with it). The Bucket List.... what we want to accomplish before we die (aka... kick the "bucket"). Thanks to a few amazing friends, I have begun to work on mine. Well, that's not entirely true. I have one from when I was younger that I've been slowly hoping I'd accomplish, but no real action on my part.... that one was more "if fate steps in, I hope this happens" kinda thing.

Well... NOT ANYMORE! I have set out a few goals for myself, and a lot of things I WANT to do, try or experience! Now, if I listed something here, it means that somewhere.... deep down...I want to do these things. Several of them are insanely terrifying, and it'll probably take an act of divine intervention to get me to do it.... that's where some SERIOUS encouragement is going to be required!

I think that SOOOO many of these things would be a BLAST to do with friends.... so I'm posting it on here, so my friends can jump in and choose which things they would love to give a whirl too! I'll also (probably) be adding new things to this list as they arise... so check back in regularly to see if I've added anything new that you think would be fun to try!

So... now what you've all been waiting for.... the LIST!!!

1. Improve at rock climbing, and be able to climb a 5.10
2. BFF trip to Vegas ;-)
3. "Trainings"
4. Wine Tasting
5. See a show on Broadway in NYC
6. Singles Cruise
7. Girlfriends Cruise
8. Get a passport - go out of the country
9. Teach overseas
10. Learn to use a sewing machine
11. Run a 5K in less than 45 minutes
12. Get a teaching credential
13. Get back into volleyball
14. Become conversational in sign language again
15. Complete my Masters Degree
16. Fall in Love - Be in Love ;-)
17. Give Birth/Have a Family
18. Gain a best friend... who sees me as theirs
19. Climb Y mountain
20. Hike to the Timp Caves again (minus altitude sickness)
21. See Donny and Marie on stage
22. Genealogy trip to the south (AR, LA, AL, TX, OK)
23. Tour Europe (Paris, Germany, Rome, Greece, Italy, etc)
24. Get on stage and sing Karaoke
25. Cross Country Road Trip
26. Skydive
27. Learn to manage my finances
28. Buy a home
29. Spa Retreat
30. Learn to ski (well.... go, and see if I even want to continue)
31. Scuba dive/snorkel
32. Ride in a Hot Air balloon
33. BFF trip to San Francisco ;-)
34. Learn to knit
35. Learn to drive a motorcycle
36. Get my carry/conceal license
37. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
38. Visit all 50 states
39. Create something using pottery
40. Finish writing my book
41. Buy something on Rodeo Drive
42. Smile More!!!
43. Laugh More!!!
44. Let Loose!!!
45. See all the Oscar Award Winners for Best Picture
46. Read the top 100 classic novels of all time
47. Swim with dolphins
48. Attend a volleyball match in the summer Olympics
49. Go on a meditation retreat
50. Visit a European castle
51. Visit the Louvre
52. Ride an elephant
53. Learn to say hello in 50 different languages
54. Learn the play the piano
55. Ring in the New Year in Times Square
56. Pet a Koala Bear
57. Climb up the Statue of Liberty
58. Go to Disneyland - stay in the Disneyland Hotel
59. Go to Hawaii
60. Keep a gratitude journal
61. Be silly!!!! (HAPPY DANCE!!!!)
62. Learn to live in the now
63. Experience TRUE bliss!!!!
64. Learn to love myself!!!!
65. Learn Yoga
66. Find a favorite author... read all their books, and know why they are my favorite
67. Dance... and enjoy it (the MOST terrifying of all!!)
68. Attend a professional sports game (as many sports as possible)
69. Learn to cook an elaborate meal
70. Be more spontaneous!!
71. Visit Niagra Falls
72. See Old Faithful erupt
73. Start a business
74. Take a Martial Arts Class
75. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
76. Go Whale Watching
77. Fly in a Helicopter
78. Washington DC Trip
79. Caviar
80. Read the entire Bible

ReCap

CLEAR!!!! BZZZZZZZZZ --- CLEAR!!!!!! BZZZZZZZZZ ---- CLEAR!!!! BZZZZZZZZZ

Beep..... Beep....... Beep...... Beep............

Oh thank goodness!!!! I would feel SO bad if my posting caused you to have a heart attack.... but I guess I can't be shocked if your heart skips a beat. I mean, come on... it HAS been over a year!!!!

I decided that this year has been full of SO many ups and downs that I couldn't possibly do a "synopsis" justice, so here come some bullet points until I get the time/energy/desire to elaborate on them (for my own records, not to bore you to tears!) I'm kinda thinking that if I AT LEAST bullet point some stuff, then I'll free myself to be able to start with right now, and go forward with all the new stuff!

So, prepare for 2009... in FAST FORWARD!!!

January: Went home to be with my dad and my family. Current weight... 200lbs.

February: 10 days after I got there, dad passed away from a heart attack (surrounded by my sisters and I). Beautiful service fitting him, and buried him next to our mom. Decided to stay in California for a while to help around the house with decisions... and to be with my sisters!

March: Happy Birthday to me... First birthday of mine that wasn't "shared" with my dad (kinda weird). Drove back to Utah for a job interview at a small LDS private school. Spent my days working in my friends formal wear shop (www.hisandhersformalwear.com) and LOVED every minute of it... and increased my black wardrobe for the dress code.... (still working at re-incorporating color into my daily wardrobe). Got to help run a high school prom fashion show AND a country club bridal show (both in 2 days!!) Learned the fine art of "fashion show hems" and the thrills of "sniffing" for odors! UGH!

April: Came back to CA by way of Las Vegas, Mohave, and Bakersfield (MUCH prettier drive!) Still working at the shop. Hello PROM season!!! No word from the school yet about the job. Realization that I have lost 10 pounds, and 1 pants size since getting to CA. (down to 190)

May: Promised my friend that I would attend the NEXT social singles activity I heard about (cause I chickened out on the dance thing). Phone call from acquaintance in Utah asking is I'd cover her nanny job while she was on maternity leave... beginning the end of May. Well, turned into early May, and I left to go back to Utah on the 7-8th. Drive BACK to Utah.... en route, got a text about a hike to the Timp caves that Saturday.... WELL, a promise is a promise! 3 days after getting to Utah, I hiked to the caves with a group of people I DID NOT know. Altitude sickness on the way up... met a guy on the way down. Went out a few times.... too many red flags to make it a lasting thing. 8 days after I got back to Utah, I was contacted by the school, and was offered the job as their 4-5th grade teacher. Um... DUH!!! Of course I'll take it!!! Invited to the last day of school for "Field Day".

June: Couple more dates with other guys: online gamer, "my ex wives became Wiccan" (YES, one guy... more than ONE wife!!), and a few other "winners" in the mix. I'm guessing singlehood isnt' THAT bad!! Spent the month as a nanny for a 5 year old boy and a 19 month old girl. I also spent alot of time working on setting my classroom up. School open house/carnival (recruiting for new families). Met some great people that I'll be working with!!!

July: Still a nanny for the first week... then on to a temp job for a week before returning back to CA for a REAL vacation!!! Drive back to CA (for those keeping track... that's 4 legs... 750 miles each!) Worked in the shop again!! :-) LOVE IT THERE!!! Lots of time spent with friends, family and just relaxing!!

August: More relaxing, and more shop!!! Annual sisters trip to Santa Cruz (my favorite place on earth)!!! Drove back to Utah (yep... 5) the day before "Meet Your Teacher" Day. Met my students and their parents (one of which... no idea... but would become my best friend in just a few short weeks!!!). Moved into new apartment in Pleasant Grove. Lost another 10 pounds... and another size... (down to 180)

September: First day as an official teacher, with my own classroom. 11 kids... 8 boys, 3 girls!! ColdStone with the coolest girls EVER! Kept pretty busy... surprised by the red flags I'm already getting about the school/job... hoping it's par for the "new job" course! Met a new guy... cute... but quickly nicknamed "Captain STAND-UP" after he stood me up 3 out of 4 times! Although... in my circles, he'll always be "SPIKE"!!! :-)

October: Um... pretty much the same as September... keeping busy. Enjoying spending time with my new girlfriends! First field trip with my kids. WHO in their right mind takes elementary school kids to a pumpkin patch, corn maze, petting zoo and outdoor play area in 20 degree weather... with SNOW on the ground?!?!?!? Crazy people!!!! Began a truly amazing spiritual journey that I'm hoping will lead me to my greatest potential!!! (Feel free to ask about it... I'm pretty open about it!!)

November: Still working... still hanging with the girls! Spent the last 2 weeks at my BFF's house while her husband travelled for work. St. George with T for Thanksgiving (ah... WARMTH). Still working on the journey (with the bishop's support)... and LOVING every moment of it.

December: Gotta love 2 weeks of school before a 3 week break!!!! Having... um... creative differences with the school director. Seriously thinking about getting a different job when the quarter's over!!! Learned that I had to move out of my apartment by the end of the year. 18 hour Train ride back to Antioch (NO WAY was I driving AGAIN!!). Battling a cold over Christmas break. First Christmas with neither parent... but we all had a great time anyway! Down another 10 pounds (yep... 170).... I have GOT to get some new clothes... cause this "alterations" thing can ONLY go so far!!! (Got really giddy during my trip home... with everyone mentioning my weight loss, and my obvious spiritual shift). 10 days in CA... before returning to UT. Spent the last 48 hours of 2009 packing my stuff back into storage (ironic... I know).

January: School's back in... Week one... WEIRD! Got "asked" for my resignation on the first Friday back... so... by the 22nd, I was unemployed yet again! I'm going with it being a budget move, a personal conflict due to who I associate with, and a conflict regarding my current spiritual situation. Oh well... their loss!!! Moved into a new place.... only 1 mile from my BFF, and a lot less expensive than the last place... WIN WIN! Attended the most AMAZING workshop (self esteem).... and cannot wait to return. Got re-introduced to rock climbing... BRING IT ON!!! Also set up a schedule to work out 3 times a week... enjoying the weight loss trend, and am WAY motivated to keep it going. (Down another 5... to 165....and from a size 18 last year to a 11/13 now)!!!

February: Yep... Now! Well, let's see... First weeks of unemployment, not horrible. Helped homeschool friends kids. Spent a lot of time doing some seriously DEEP self reflection... and making some choices for myself! Started my bucket list (see the next blog entry), started a gratitude journal, began to accept things about myself that I have been in denial about for WAY too long!!! Visited my former class today for their Valentine's day party. It was nice to see everyone!!! Down another 5 pounds... Now... at 160... HOW THE HECK does that even happen!!?!?

Okay... now that you have been effectively bored to tears.... I can feel "off the hook" and begin to start posting new entries!!! YAY!!!!! Here's to hoping that in 2010, I'll be slightly less spacey in the blog posting capacity!!!! Like I said, I've been working on the bucket list thing... so I'm hoping that a lot of my posts will be devoted to the COOL things I'm doing this year!!!!

Let the moral support commence....NOW!!!!