Week 4 - Woops!

This week's NEW happened completely by accident (ok... there are no such things as accidents, but this was certainly NOT planned!!!). I wasn't even going to blog about this one... but I decided to go with it, and see what came up.

Wednesday night, I had planned to stay at a friends house after watching her toddler. After some great girl-talk time, I realized that it probably didn't make much sense to stay the night when by the time I went to my car, got my stuff, and made up a bed on the couch... I'd be home already (I live less than 2 miles away). So... I headed home. Well, if you can imagine this... I left my phone at her house!!! I know... ME... NO PHONE... AAAAAGGGGHHHH! After spending 20 minutes flashing my brights at her bedroom window, in the hopes she'd see it, I gave up (in hindsight, I probably should have just gone through the garage, but I didn't want to run the risk of waking the baby, or freaking her out). So... I went home, logged into Yahoo and shot her an instant message, in the hopes she'd see it, and I could run back over to get my phone, or... at the very least, swing by on my way into work the next morning. No reply. First of all, I have to say... it is amazing how much I rely on my phone. That night, I was forced to figure out how to wake up the next morning without my cell alarm clock. THAT is not fun! In case you ever wonder... there is an online alarm clock!!!! :-)

Ok, next morning... I wake up (about a hundred times... ya know, incase the internet alarm doesn't work).... and no news from my friend. So, I get up and get going and head over to her house on my way to work. After a few knocks and a few "ding-dongs" I gave up again. Decided that there was NO way I was going through the garage, cause that most certainly would have given her an absolute heart attack... and NO one should wake up like that in the morning! :-) So.. it's off to work.... disconnected for the next 10 hours. Boo Hoo!!!

Deep breaths, withdrawl shakes, and the fastest log in to Facebook and Yahoo EVER!!!! Not supposed to be on Yahoo or FB at work.... BITE ME -- I NEED CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Early part of the day was rough... I kept "feeling" my phone.. like it was calling to me. I found myself looking to the spot where I keep it... hoping to see the flashing red light. It was a sad morning. In the late morning and into the early afternoon, I was blessed to be able to run some thoughts through the Work with the guidance of a new friend who is AMAZING at facilitating this process. I am completely convinced that this "shift" in my thinking is what made a marked difference in the way the rest of my day went... and led me to be able to have the experiences that I did that night.

After swinging by to pick up my phone after work (and seeing that I really hadn't missed much), I headed home... phone having lovingly resumed its place on my ear! Cue cute voice mail!!! My friend left me a message... telling me that I had been given an opportunity to do exactly what I had asked for the night before.... the chance to learn to listen to my heart and what is going on INside as opposed to listening to others and focusing on whats OUTside... for answers, or validation. She suggested I leave my phone off for the next few hours (um.. excuse me?!?!) and see what happens. At first, my heart went into my throat... the idea of going another few hours "disconnected"... you have GOT to be kidding. Then, the idea brought back the feelings I had on my Jenn date, and I recognized the opportunity that the universe had given me... so I just went with it.

Once I got home, I changed into comfy clothes, turned off the phone, grabbed my water bottle, and my journals... and worked to put myself in that meditative space (I say "worked" because I'm still learning... and it's an effort each time... but an effort I'm willing to exert). I spent the next 2 hours in communication with God and was able to catch flashes of the connection that I so strongly desire with Him. I felt myself connect with ME... my hands, fingers, the air around me, the feelings in my heart... everything! I felt myself step out of time.... and just be in that moment.... It didn't last long.... but it was so powerful -- and so beautiful!

Shortly afterwards, I felt like I needed a growing/learning moment.... so I put in "The Secret" and started to recognize many of the truths that it shares regarding the Law of Attraction. I started to see how I have attracted things into my life... both positive and negative! I get to do some more work on that.... but for now, recognizing the concept has really gotten me to think/feel about how I am in my everyday life. I love feeling those shifts from my head (ego) to my heart. Just before watching the video.... my friend texted me. I cannot possibly begin to explain the overflowing love that I felt for her at that moment. Between the feelings I had begun to "turnaround" earlier in the day, her voice mail that encouraged me to take this time for myself, and the connection time I had with God that night... it was no wonder my heart was as open as it was to feeling nothing but pure, overpowering, light-filled LOVE. There was no ego thoughts; there was no fear; there was no judgement; there was no worry or concern. There was only LOVE... and it just WAS... and IT WAS PERFECT!!!!!!

Week 3 - Jenn Dates

Ok... so, a little background on what this title is all about. NO, I have not blossomed into the dating scene (sad faces... begone!). This weeks "NEW" has nothing to do with jumping on the bandwagon of "how many dates can I go on in a week".... in fact, it's actually something kinda cool! I went on a date.... with someone I don't know that well... but really want to get to know... ME!

After running some thoughts through the Work earlier in the week, I came to see a startling fact about myself... that I don't like spending time by myself. Many reasons came out as to the reasons, but the common link was that I don't like myself. Scary, huh!!! Considering that I'll be with myself until the VERY end... I better learn to like being with myself... dont'cha think?!?!

Well, Friday night, I was hanging out at my house.... deciding what my Saturday was going to look like. I decided that I would spend Saturday with myself... just me. I called my friend, and she asked what I was going to do on "Jenn Day".... and I told her that I would just be hanging out, doing laundry, cleaning, blogging... ya know... catching up on life a bit. Now... I can imagine your expression is similar to what I sensed hers was when I said that.... the "are you kidding me... THAT's what you're doing for a Jenn Day?!?!?" So... after a little "re-clarification" of what time-with-myself really needed to be all about.... and the most AMAZING conversation (done entirely in 3rd person!!!), I had an idea of what I wanted my Saturday to look like. Through this 3rd person conversation, I was asked what Jenn likes to do.. and that, perhaps I should "treat" Jenn to a day of things that "she" would enjoy doing. After some thinking... I realized that Jenn loves to read, write, journal, find little hide-a-ways, go on car trips, eat Arctic Circle fries, and drink Iced Cafe Mochas!!! So... hello Saturday!

After waking up to NO alarm... and realizing that "Jenn likes to sleep"... I let "her" get some more of it!!! :-) After an Arctic Circle run, a Coffee Creations stop, and a shopping trip to Borders (for a new journal)... I hit the road and headed up the canyon. Now, I've never been up Provo Canyon... but I figured, heck.... why not!?!?! Having never been up there, I just kinda went wherever I felt like.... random turns, little dirt roads, and LOTS of U-turns (when I realized there were still roads closed due to snow!) Finally, I found this little park that went up into this little neighborhood... and just beyond the houses, there was a little pull-off spot that was PERFECT! At first, I drove in... but had a thought, and quickly backed in instead.

After laying the seats down in the backseat, opening the hatch, and creating a great little "nook" for me to cozy up in... my date began. At first, I just sat and listened.... listened to the running creek, listened to the birds, listened to the breeze, listened to my thoughts, listened to my heart. Then I started writing.... writing down the things that Jenn likes. I took some great advice, and just let Jenn talk.... and I didn't judge! Anything "she" was willing to share, I listened to. Whatever she felt was most important to tell me about... I acknowledged. The things that she felt special to tell me about what she liked... I wrote down. This list comprised of everything from sunglasses and fuzzy socks to blue skies and kissing. It was so beautiful!!!! The scenery, the "company"... just being with Jenn. No judgement, no time frames, no worries, no ego!!!!!! My only contact with the "outside" world was through the occasional chat on my phone... and even that was nothing but support, love, encouragement, and adoration... which made my day even more beautiful!!! After a few hours, it started to get chilly, but I wasn't willing to give up the unobstructed view of nature.... so, I simply turned on the car, cranked the heater and left the hatch up!!! Eventually, I realized that my "date" was coming to an end... and I was in such a attitude of gratitude over how it had gone... I was okay with it ending - knowing that it would happen again soon!

The rest of the evening went just as well as the afternoon had. Back to my BFF's house... relaxing, naps, fun movies, laughing, sharing about my "date" and my discoveries about Jenn.... don't know how on earth it could have gone better.

The next morning, I found myself actually craving time with Jenn again... and looking forward to the next time. I can't say that I love Jenn yet... or that I see what makes her unique/special.... BUT, I can say that I am beginning to see what others see in her, and it's making me want to know more about her. Hopefully, I'm on the right path to learning to love her (and eventually, being able to replace the word "her" with "myself"!!!!!)

Bubbles

After a very long day, I decided that I deserved to relax a bit in a hot bubble bath. We're talking candles, coconut bath bubbles, bath pillow, and music (Olivia Newton-John's "Grace and Gratitude"). It was wonderful!!! While enjoying this moment of

relaxing after a hectic day... I had a thought coming to me as I looked into the bubbles.... and thought it would be interesting to write down, and see where it goes. For those interested, the song "The Power of Now" was playing... that might help you understand the thoughts.

Have you ever blown bubbles with a child?

Have you seen the look on their faces as they anticipate the blow.... and how they light up as they spot each bubble? Their excitement... the wonder... the awe! They're surprise as they try to reach out and touch one and feel it pop. The splash against their finger... the clench of their eyes as the spray bounces back at them. The quick scan for other bubbles that can create the same exciting effect on their little faces. The disappointment when they realize that all the bubbles are gone.... and then their pleading look to you to "do it again!" Anyone who has played this game knows the initial fun... that is generally followed by the exhaustion of doing the same thing over and over!

While taking my bubble bath tonight, I found myself staring at the soap bubbles... close up.... as if seeing them for the first time, and I found myself with the picture of the child's face. No matter how many times you blow the bubbles, young kids will look at each bubble with equal awe and fascination... as if its the first time. I found myself comparing that to how children see so many things... and how adults lose that fascination. I have recently found myself with the strong desire to look at something as simple as a bubble and see it for the first time. Now, I recognize that it's not exactly possible to go back and see something you've seen a million times for the very first time.... but I'm determined to find a way to make it work.

I sat there staring at this small pool of soap bubbles in the bathtub. I watched the way the candlelight shimmered against the bubbles and the way they moved along the top of the water... so smoothly. I stared at the smaller bubbles and noted the ribbons of white between each bubble, creating a sort of lace-like effect. I stared at the various sizes, and to see faces and pathways and pictures in the "lace." Everything else ceased. There was no music; there was no candle; there was no worry; there was no me. There was only bubbles. There was only lace. There were only faces and landscapes. There was only that moment!!! I guess it is possible to see something so common (yet beautiful) and be thoroughly in awe and utterly enamored. Wonder what else I can see again... for the first time?! Wonder what my next "moment" in time and space will be!?