Christmas Newsletter 2007

Merry Christmas 2007 -- Wow… this year has definitely been full!

I started the year as a Junior at Portland State… and now I’m a second term Senior. I’ll be graduating in June with my BS in Social Science, and a minor in Education. I’m also working on getting my graduate school applications sent out over the next few weeks. I’m currently applying to 5 graduate schools here in Oregon, so wish me luck! I’m hoping to start grad school around July, and that’ll be a 13-month program finishing with teaching credentials for preK-8, and a Masters degree in Education. I’m so excited to finally be seeing some major progress in this phase of my life, and I’m even more excited about moving on to the next phase.

Another large part of this past year revolved around being an Orientation Leader on campus. I worked as a peer advisor, gave campus tours, and helped educate incoming students about the requirements for graduation, and focused on helping those planning on going into education. I was very glad to see the long hours end, but I’m also very thankful for the experience that it gave me. It also gave me some great connections with advisors and directors (which has helped immensely in the pursuit for letters of recommendation).

I know this isn’t going to come as a shock to anyone… but I also got to move (AGAIN) this summer. The university turned my former building into a “freshman-only” building, so I got relocated. As annoying as it was to move again, I have to say … I love it! I moved to a place twice the size of my former apartment, went from a studio to a 1-bedroom, and went from a sterile, brand new building with no character, to a vintage building built in 1927 with the original hardwood floors, built-in cabinets, and a much quieter part of campus. It’s so nice to have a place where the bed isn’t the focal point of the apartment, and where I can feel comfortable to have people over. There’s also the location plus side… I’m across the street from the LDS Institute of Religion! It’s so nice being that close to such a wonderful place.

Over the past few months, I’ve also been volunteering as an aide in a first grade classroom at a Spanish immersion school. I absolutely love it. I work specifically with the reading/language arts teacher, which means that I don’t have to know Spanish (which is a great thing… since I don’t). I really wanted to be back in the classroom, and this has really helped me remember why I’m doing all this. I’ll be working with this class from now till the end of their school year. I’m also getting my first experience with younger grades, which has been great!

I hope you all have had a wonderful 2007, and are looking forward to an equally fantastic 2008. My holiday wish is that you are able to see the blessings in your life and are grateful to the Savior for everything around you. My thoughts and prayers are with you all throughout the year. I want you all to know how much your friendships and love mean to me and how much they keep me going daily when things get difficult. May all your holiday wishes come true, and may you be able to spend that time with loved ones. I love you all – Merry Christmas!

The Sunny State????

Ok, so I've been in CA now for a little over a week. And I came here, because...? With the exception of two people, and the three hours at church... I haven't seen ANY of my friends since I've been here. Heck, I haven't even seen one of my sisters.... and she lives 1/4 mile away. Yesterday, I FINALLY got out of the house for the first time in 4 days. Let me correct that a bit. I did get out for small amounts on the others days.... taking my nephew to/from preschool, and the post office drive-up boxes. Oh yeah, and I drove out to Concord (20 miles away) to bring my nephews power wheels to the shop where I met my sister, and then quickly reloaded the power wheels back in the truck to make the 20 mile drive back to Antioch. SO does NOT count as an outing! I haven't been able to gain access to any vehicle for anything that I've wanted to do, other than church on sunday (and I only pulled that off cause I took Alex with me from 8:30-4:30). Everytime I mention the concept of renting a car, my family gangs up on me and convinces me that it's "stupid to waste all that money, when there are two cars always here that you can use anytime". WHATEVER!!!! I think I finally hit my breaking point when I was told that I would not be able to use either car on thursday because of various outings, and come 8:30 at night, all plans at changed, both cars hadn't moved since 4, and no one chose to tell me until after 9 at night that I really could've used the car that evening.

As you may recall, I was strongly considering not coming into town at all this year.... I'd like everyone to remind me of this next year when I'm having the SAME dilemma. If I choose to come down again next year, I will only be coming for a few days (at least being here for the christmas program in my home ward, and for christmas day)... and I'm going to scrimp and save so that I can rent MY OWN car while I'm in town.

Eight things you may not know about me!

1. I am addicted to physical contact (on my terms only). I love to hug, hold hands or link fingers (non-romantically), have my hair played with and put my head on peoples laps... again, this all has to be on my terms. There is just something about physical contact with another person... it makes me feel loved and safe. This was never something that happened in my house when I was growing up, and I think that because of that, I've got this missing piece that was never filled. In our house, physical affection was reserved for very young children.. and even then, was only during specific times (when ill, hurt, or sad). As a teenager, I was always the one hugging my Young Women group leaders and putting my head on their shoulders. I was very lucky in that they never seemed to mind. I've been lucky in that I can tell when the other person isn't a "physical" person... and I tend to monitor myself. As I've grown older, it becomes more and more difficult to fill this craving. Some people tend to get the wrong idea and connect with a romantic interest. It's also less appropriate in my life circles; it's not like I'm going to go hug my boss or my professors. The problem is, the need is still there. I've been very lucky though, because I have 1-2 people in my life who don't seem to look at is as weird, or something that is age-inappropriate. Too bad I don't see them very often.

2. I have been blessed with a very unique memory. I can remember very distinct details from the time that I was very young. I can tell you what I wore on my first day of nursery (18 months old), I can tell you who the "Santa's" were at the ward Christmas parties, I can not only tell you who all my teachers in elementary school (K-6) were, but I can also tell you who all the other teachers were in the school while I was there.... and what room numbers they were all in. I can tell you the names of all the girls in my brownie troop (1st grade), I can tell you the layout of my childhood (2nd grade) boyfriends house... including how the furniture was arranged. This memory has definitely had useful effects. I remember the names of all the people in my grandmothers old family photos, I remember things about my mom that my sisters were too young to remember, and I remember names/faces/phone numbers of people who have been in my life (even in very minuscule ways). Blessing... curse... you be the judge.

3. I tend to not look at age or "stage of life" when I have friendships. From the time I was really young... my parent's friends were my friends. I don't mean that I thought of them as friends, yet they looked at me as a kid. Rather that it was a mutual feeling. I have a clear memory of being about 6 years old, and taking my sister to a "play date" (before terms like that were used) at a member of our wards house. Their oldest daughter was my sisters age, and they had 2 other younger children. I wasn't really excited about the idea of playing with the "kids" so I went inside and spent the afternoon with their mom. She and I had a great conversation, and really enjoyed the company. She and I have become great friends over the years, and she often tells me that she never looked at me as a child... but as a peer. I've been told this many times over the years. Apparently I was a "very mature" kid. I think the greatest compliment I ever received was from my "peer's" mother who has known me since I was an infant. She told me that I never put labels on my friendships. I was friends with everyone, and respected everyone equally. I valued what my teachers and leaders told me, because I looked at them as friends, and knew that they were telling me things for my own good. I think that's one thing that kept me going to church. I listened to my leaders because they were my friends. I listened to my school teachers and respected them because they were my friends.

4. I have this thing with saying "I love you". I always end phone calls with my friends by saying it. I end emails with it. I end visits with it. I can never hear it enough from my friends, and I can never show my friends that I love them enough. I tend to get kinda "mushy" sometimes, and occasionally go overboard in saying it... but thats simply because I want to make sure that people know how I feel about them.

5. I spend a lot of time keeping in touch with people who move away. I tend to know the whereabouts of people who have long since moved out of town, or moved from our ward. I'm the type of person who will randomly send a Christmas card to someone who hasn't been in my life in 10 years, and reform that bond with them because of it. Along this same line, I'm also good at doing online searches to look for people. It's fun sending a card to the new home of someone who didn't think I knew their new address. I've kept friendships with teachers, classmates who may have only been in my class for one year, my mom's former visiting teachers, and former ward members this way. This is closely connected with my "memory" fact... because I remember things that people may have told me long ago that helps me to find them now and be able to keep that relationship active. I remember when my mom passed away and we were trying to get in touch with certain people from her past. I pulled out my "detective skills" to figure out how I could get in touch with people. One in particular comes to mind: a family who used to be in our ward. We hadn't seen them in years, and they had moved from the last address I had for them. I started thinking of all the connections I could use. I came up with one of my former young women girls, who's friends with their granddaughter. I also thought of my my friend who's sister used to be married to their son.... see, things like that. I love making connections like this.

6. I can't get enough of reading. I read everything. I can polish off a book in a day, and sometimes I really can't put them down and will stay up all night to finish. I love to read my friends blogs, news articles, magazines... you name it. I started when I was 3... and I've just been going non-stop for the past 27 years. Maybe that's one of the reasons I want to be a teacher... I want to teach kids to love reading in the same way that I do.

7. I cry myself to sleep several times a week. There are so many things that I want in my life (primarily a spouse and children)... that sometimes I just can't keep it all in. I also pray every night that it will happen in my life. I get so scared that I have missed any opportunities to meet someone and have a family, and that I'll end up completely alone!!! This is, by far, my biggest fear in life. Any and all "set-ups" are welcomed.

8. I check all my friends blogs once a day. I sometimes look at my own life as incredibly boring (school, homework, graduate school, volunteering), and I love to read what other people my age are doing. I guess I kind of live vicariously through you guys... so keep writing!

Anonymous Remarks

Have you ever wanted to say things to people, but knew that you wouldn't (or shouldn't)... but still wanted to get it out. So, I thought about doing it on here. These are each directed to specific people in my life... but I left out all specific information (including names).

* It drives me crazy that you continue to take the role of the victim. Just because you are in a bad marriage, you need to recognize that you made the choice to go back. Stop bringing up the fact that other people have what you want, and they don't realize how lucky they are. They made choices; you made choices. If you don't like your life right now, change it!

* I'm tired of holding out for the opportunity to spend time with you, only for you to change plans at the very last minute. I'm not asking for all of your time, just some of it. Show me that you love me as much as you claim to! Don't you see how much it hurts me when you're so abrupt on the phone, and never seem to have any time for me.

* If you're going to keep asking for my advice about the same thing.... do us both a favor, and TAKE IT!

* Stop pretending that you haven't made any mistakes in your life and that you're perfect. All it does is make you appear more fake. We all know better.

* The world is not out to get you! Things are not happening the way they are because of a conspiracy against you.

* I won't ever have the relationship with them that you seem to think I should have. I accepted it a long time ago... I wish you could too, and support me in my decisions regarding it.

AND FINALLY

* This is me.... DEAL with it. I'm not planning on changing into the person you think I should be, or that they think I should be. I am not perfect, but at least I'm authentic. It's good enough for me... don't you think it's odd that it's not good enough for you?!?!?

Just some thoughts...

I've had so much on my mind lately... and I'm afraid if I don't get some of it out, my head will blow up. Granted, that could make finals a little more interesting.... but I've really been working hard at keeping my apartment clean, and that's an added mess I just don't need.

I've been spending the last few weeks deciding if I'm going home for the holidays or not. The logical side of me keeps saying that I need to stay here, work, and save money for the upcoming two terms and for graduate application fees. The sentimental side of me keeps telling me that I need to be with family and friends for the holidays. Here's the dilemma:
Winter term is going to be very expensive because I'm taking more credits (with the same amount coming from financial aid). Graduate application fees will run me close to $300, not to mention transcript costs. There's always the textbooks per term, plus housing, living expenses (food, bills, etc) and small incidentals that come up pretty regularly. See what I mean about a dilemma. Oh well.... I guess it'll all work itself out somehow. I've told people that I'm not going to play martyr and stay here unless it's going to be worth it.

Here's something else that's been on my mind.

** Friendships **

Over the last few months I've tried getting in touch with some of my friends from back home. Each time, I get answering machine recordings.... and never get responses when I leave messages. Now, these are both individuals who have proven many times over the years that they really are my true friends... but I've begun to wonder if it's more important for me to keep our relationship going than to them. I understand that we all get busy, but it's not like I'm calling to "chat" every day....twice a month would be great!!!! Is that too much to ask?!?!?!

Five's

Five jobs I've held...
1. Nanny
2. Childrens Programs/Activities Director
3. Event Planner
4. University Orientation Leader
5. Teachers Aide

Five movies I could watch over and over...
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. Little Women
3. Sound of Music
4. Fried Green Tomatoes
5. Annie

Five places I've lived...
1. Antioch, California
2. Brentwood, California
3. Calabasas, California
4. Salt Lake City, Utah
5. Portland, Oregon

Five snacks that I enjoy. . .
1. Tortilla chips with salsa + cream cheese
2. Pretzels
3. carrot sticks & apples dipped in peanut butter
4. pickled asparagus wrapped in cream cheese and ham
5. raspberry or peach sorbet

Five things I would do with a million dollars...
1. pay for school
2. pay back my U-dad
3. buy a car
4. buy a home for when I graduate and start teaching
5. help out my family

Five people who email me regularly...
1. Colleen
2. Syd
3. Gina
4. Jason
5. Hillary

Five places I would run away to. . .
1. Highland/Orem/PG, Utah
2. Higley/Mesa, Arizona
3. Calabasas/Malibu, California
4. anywhere that has a temple
5. Santa Cruz, California

Five TV shows I like...
1. Deperate Housewives
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Law & Order SVU
4. Two and a half men
5. Young and the Restless

Five things I hate...
1. Rain
2. Cold weather
3. finals
4. asking for things (being dependant)
5. not having a car

Five things I can't live without...
1. Crystal Light
2. iPod/Music
3. my laptop
4. my cell phone
5. Scented Candles

Five goals I have for the future...
1. graduation (six months to go...)
2. Graduate School - Masters Degree
3. Marriage/Children
4. Being independant again
5. Having my own classroom